I am a strong woman.

Hey there…yep, that is me. Your neighborhood, friendly, goofy, dancing boudoir photographer. Why am I sharing these images? A few reasons. Please, sit back, relax, and read my story. You may relate to some or all of it.

First. I believe, that in much of life, we should practice what we preach. And that includes photographers getting on the other side of the camera. That part is simple. The next part, is purely because I had this idea that I wanted to convey, of representing the strength of women. Now, if you know me at all, I am not huge into pink. But, late one night, I got this wild hair and wanted to launch a campaign to celebrate women and show our strength. So, I got online and ordered me a pink p*ssy hat, some gloves, and here we are. Now, please note, that you do not need ANY of these items to be strong or show that you are strong. But, it was a clear representation. And a fun one.

A little back story.

Since I was about 5, I recall loving cameras, taking photos, showing the beauty in the world. While I love nature, my calling is with capturing people. Always has been. I was also that kid who was horribly bullied, told how ugly that I was, even beat up for it (not looking for sympathy, I am in a good place, just sharing my story). I also had a body deformity: my sternum grew inward. Severely. I finally had it corrected when I was 20. I found out that I only had ONE inch between my sternum and spine! Holy guacamole!

After that surgery, I started finding myself, a bit more, little by little. I wanted to stop shrinking. Stop hiding my body and who I am. I was so excited to have a ‘normal’ looking chest, that I was showing everyone my scar. That did not go over well. Especially with my ex-in-laws, lol. But, I ended up in a crummy marriage, and started shrinking again. I began seeing myself like the bullies: ugly, too skinny, too fat, not good enough. My weight was on a roller coaster, so I was sure that was it. Once I was finally out of that marriage, the process started over again. No more shrinking, I swore to myself! I lost the weight, got fit and healthy, started enjoying life.

Unfortunately, I fell for a horrible guy. It was BAD. And, despite maintaining a trim size, this excuse of a human kept telling me I was fat, my breasts were too small, hated the way I spelled my name, the list goes on. But, I was sucked in deep. When I finally got up the strength to say “no more!”, I even asked him, “if you think of me this way, why do you want to be with me?”… Over the next year, I worked on my mental health, and physical health as well. I had begun losing too much weight, and was really self conscious. (It happens on both ends of the body size spectrum.) And then, I began rapidly gaining weight. At first, I was relieved. But then, it kept going. I was in a great relationship by this point (with husband upgrade 2.0), but my health was declining. I ended up being diagnosed with SIBO (a nasty gut illness) and MCAS (histamine issues) and EDS (a connective tissue disorder that I was born with).

I could not lose the weight. But, I did get pregnant with my daughter, and after a really rough pregnancy, I had a baby right before turnnig 45! Talk about strength. Oy.

Over the last 5+ years, I have searched for answers to better health, stable weight, etc. In the end, I found that no matter what my size, shape, or physical health is, that it truly comes from within. I started thinking about my future, and realizing that I did not want to be worrying about my size, or what others thought of me for the next several decades (I plan to live to 113, so I have another 63 years to go!). I also do not want my daughter absorbing that mentality, it is far from healthy, and too many of us are hard on ourselves for the wrong reasons.

(Like, if you are mean, a bully, stealing, cheating on loved ones, etc…be hard on yourself. But not for your appearance, or health!) I digress.

This past fall, I chose ME. I chose health. I chose working to eliminate pain. I chose to have major surgery to correct my belly after growing and birthing 3 amazing humans. I had something called diastasis recti. No amount of working out was changing it. I had come to terms that there was zero wrong with my size and shape. I am human. We change. We should not expect to look the same at 20, 30, 50, 70… I was ok with being ME. But, I was tired of the back pain, the belly pain, and quite frankly, the frequent trips to pee at all hours. Once I learned that all of that would improve with surgery, I worked toward that goal. Yes, I had surgery in Tijuana, Mexico. I found an amazing surgeon who is a skilled artist, really. And yes, my back feels NORMAL now. My belly is not in pain. And yep, I pee less often,lol.

When I decided to do my own session (with the help of my husband, because doing it all on my own is HARD), I realized I felt FREE. I was not worried about covering my scars. I was proud of them. My belly is not a 6 pack. It is a bit soft. And yet absolutely strong. I am proud of my hard work, mentally and physically. I am a strong woman. SO are you.

I work with so many women throughout every year, and have for over 2 decades, as a photographer, and for 20 years of that, as a doula. I see how phenomenal and strong women are. And am excited to continue helping women see it in themselves, to celebrate their strength, beauty, and badassery.

Don’t shrink for anyone. Be you. Celebrate you.